My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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