In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
