I heard we made out
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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