____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
