I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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