she looked like the before picture.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
