I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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