i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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