the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
