Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
