im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
