It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
