He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Green mimosas i think yes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
