You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize