We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
