What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
