We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
