wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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