i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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