I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
