Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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