It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
