i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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