Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
