I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize