Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
