You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
