You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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