And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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