I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
