FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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