Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My vagina just clenched in fear
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
