its not stalking. its research.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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