But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm at about main and main street
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize