mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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