batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
