Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
