i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
