it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
