i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize