Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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