I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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