My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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