Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
