Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize