all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
