Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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