Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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