I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The power of my boobs compel you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
