I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
