I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
