I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
