Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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