im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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