Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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