I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
