Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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