My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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