i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
