If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
