It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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