I should be sponsored by Trojan
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
