Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize