just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
