First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
