I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
