Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
