Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
