You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
