I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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